tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10965390460409727922024-02-19T23:40:30.005-08:00organic.communal.creativity.britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.comBlogger68125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-22214768898056527232009-10-26T21:25:00.000-07:002009-10-26T21:36:28.404-07:00william blakewhat an incredible human being. <br /><br />well i've never met him, nor do i know what kind of company he may have entertained, or if he practiced any bad habits or what his capactiy for loving his mother was...<br /><br />however, as far as what i am discovering about his understanding of god and the universe and his ability to voice eloquent fountains of lyrical truth to relate to us the power and unlimited nature of god...he floors me. not to mention his popularity and pure genius in writing about society, about nature, about anything really... <br /><br />He saw in the dogmas of the church the chains that prevented men from expressing the real and natural life within them. He attempted to explain to the society of his day that "Energy is the only life, and is from the Body; and Reason is the bound, or outward circumference of Energy."<br /><br />i'm getting more and more excited to start reading the William Blake that wasn't fed to me within my study of literature...onwards to <span style="font-style:italic;"></span> the marriage of heaven and hellbritta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-31022245136288685452009-10-07T13:44:00.000-07:002009-10-07T13:47:34.248-07:00fall season means squash soups and leather jackets<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/Ssz-X9cQ0VI/AAAAAAAAA4M/KjbnPQlpDJg/s1600-h/leather"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 175px; height: 238px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/Ssz-X9cQ0VI/AAAAAAAAA4M/KjbnPQlpDJg/s320/leather" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5389962541639192914" /></a><br />i bought my first leather jacket today. i was riding my bike around town and i just stopped in quickly to a second hand store to indulge my imagination. and there it was. the perfect light brown leather jacket, just the right size and fit, somehow miraculously within my price range. all set out just waiting for me to come and pick it up. <br /><br />so its really feeling like fall here. i've already made my first hot, savory soup, i'm now equipped with a great riding jacket, and with the days getting shorter and shorter i'm definitely ready for harvests, feasts, gatherings and all things orange. <br /><br /><br />cheers,<br /><br />bbritta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-90117812009514989692009-09-30T12:14:00.000-07:002009-09-30T12:42:22.903-07:00the day i fell in love with an indian man...with every day that passes, every book i read, every person i talk with and inner argument i pose with myself, with every delicious meal with which i entertain my taste buds and with each slow, voluptuous breath of fresh morning air i am blessed to inhale, i am more and more convinced that the more i know the less i really know, and yet the one thing i do know is that god is mightily bigger, more complex, sometimes less tangible feeling, and yet more true and personal than ever before. <br /><br />whether or not you believe in reincarnation, karma, a one-time existence and the domains of heaven and hell, whether or not you follow a religion or speak mantras or do not care in the least bit about the bigger purpose in life and existence- there is an undeniable truth that pervades the human experience, and that is love. <br /><br />life is eternal, and no matter where you are on your journey, there is this ultimate purpose that we as humans are privileged to fulfill and experience. We get to learn how to love, we get to feel and breath and crave and create and soak in love, because when it all boils down, love inspires creation and god, our source, is comprised 100% of love; therefore we are made of it, immersed in it, in dire need of receiving it and utterly blessed to give it to others. <br /><br />this past week i spent a lot of time with people who were complete strangers to me. people who have different skin, different expressions, different languages, habits, backgrounds, beliefs, dreams, hurts, preferences, and styles. we gathered together in the presence of someone who imbibes this concept of love, who desires for us to understand how and to experience it in its fullest capacity. <br /><br />strangers in every sense of the word, he (the exact opposite of me) and i sat eyes locked, hand in hand, hearts beating uncontrollably, nearly chest to chest, for what seemed hours on end. we embraced the deepest core of one another, finding comfort and joy in knowing that we are both from the same source, needing the same things, sharing the same energy , connected much more intimately than we may ever have imagined. soon the unfamilar face that caused me to twinge with anxiety soon elicited laughter deep within me. his eyes, at first seemingly far away and unreachable transformed into eyes, a soul, i have known my entire life. tears worthy of only the purest joy began to stream down his cheeks as warmth began to occupy every space in my heart. i immersed myself in his arms, let myself melt into him as we held each other and rocked back and forth together in that small space of time. <br /><br />i felt as if i was one with this man, this complete stranger. i felt as though everything about myself that i loved, that felt divine and good in me i could see and feel in him as well. it was like looking into the eyes of someone who has share your heart for years. trust. safety. being known. light. <br /><br />i underestimated the love that i have claimed to know and give so frequently during my life. i underestimated how freeing it feels to let go of insecurities, of fears, of comfortable boxes and spaces and to let oneself merge with another soul simply by recognizing that god resides equally as much in one as the other. it sounds strange, but its perfect, actually. its the difference between understanding what a perfect mountain blizzard should feel or look like, and actually experiencing it for yourself, feeling the cold air rush down your neck, seeing the glimmer of the sunshine in each delicate snowflake, hearing the crunch of fresh packed snow beneath your boots, undressing from the layers of clothes and experiencing the heat of a raging fireplace tickle every inch of your skin...<br /><br />love is what creation is all about. love is what the creator is all about. love is all we have to understand and experience, just a glimmer of the bigger picture...britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-25728248860504699062009-09-27T13:59:00.001-07:002009-09-27T14:27:49.370-07:00colorful concentrated momentsleaves practice such zen lives. they hang quietly and freely from their high vistas, soaking in the sunlight and the beauty of the earth...they grow and sing and play together until one day their strength finally subsides, their potential and existence meets its peak and... colors, their souls, explode in expressions of love and vibrancy. <br />they act as birds, falling effortlessly through canopies of green until the gentle lips of the stream catch them, offering respite in its cool eddies. they, thinking as fish, dive and swirl beneath the water's surface, eventually losing their colors, dissolving into one energy with the stream...<br /><br /><br />its a wonder what a few days of hiking through a forest can do to you. what a few days of intense personal destruction and transformation in the presence of an amazing human being can do for you. there are moments in life when all the colors seem to fuse together and what was once gnarled and uncomfortable dissolves away into a newer, brighter resolution. <br /><br />the intensity and concentration can almost overwhelm you, and instead it brings you to the point of explosion and pain and beauty and love and compassion burst forth...britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-34303289109105570522009-09-16T15:29:00.001-07:002009-09-16T15:42:34.065-07:00my little italy<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SrFpz-A4JfI/AAAAAAAAA4E/tnEpo4IFEvU/s1600-h/gelato"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SrFpz-A4JfI/AAAAAAAAA4E/tnEpo4IFEvU/s400/gelato" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5382199371225376242" /></a><br />i woke up this week to a dream of italy<br />aromas of roasted espresso<br />warm sounds of gathered friends lingering over warm drinks<br />i listen to the symphony and shapes flowing <br />effortlessly off the tongues of those around me<br />its inside of me somewhere, deeper than i was aware<br /><br />everything is a poem here in my little italy<br />everything has a more subtle beauty<br />'you have to give the milk time to relax' says lorenzo<br />the energy is alive, attentive <br />and yet everything runs a bit more slowly<br /><br /><br />salivating, my eyes roll over each brilliant colored gelato<br />we are all watching one another<br />all sharing stories, transfusing into the one great story<br /><br />the evening flies by, as they always do here<br />the warm air is quietly stepping out the door,<br />not wanting to disturb the other guests whose<br />cheeks are still flushed from the heat, from the happiness<br /><br />autumn has arrived<br />and there i am in my little italy once again<br />the smells, the sounds, the sights, the people<br />all the glamour of italy has rushed into me once again<br /><br />only maybe it hadn't truly disappeared...britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-62428351764621851002009-09-10T16:42:00.000-07:002009-09-10T16:46:49.618-07:00discoveries and reflectionswhy did you hide yourself my dear,<br />behind your beautiful veneers, and<br />your shimmering, golden hair?<br /><br />why were so so gripped in fear?<br />to protect yourself and <br />restrict us from being aware<br /><br />of your ingenuity, <br />your insight<br />your radiant creativity and drive?<br /><br />how for so long did you harbor such<br />self loathing and<br />did you not find it to be<br />unbearable?<br /><br />why did your best expressions only trot the stage at midnight,<br />in secret books, secret symphonies?<br />why did the moon deserve to see you in your full, naked beauty?<br /><br />and when will you ever see the beauty of your smile,<br />smile that lit the room and inspired our hearts...<br /><br />why did you hide yourself my dear?britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-78679658944156003632009-09-10T15:22:00.000-07:002009-09-10T16:59:42.421-07:00entering god<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SqmQjUmLyhI/AAAAAAAAA38/PRIUpF3zdp0/s1600-h/bars.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 297px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SqmQjUmLyhI/AAAAAAAAA38/PRIUpF3zdp0/s400/bars.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5379990166369454610" /></a><br />"In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence...I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God". -Ephesians 3.12-19<br /><br />paul is praying for something he knows already exists and has been done, or given.his hope and prayer is that we would grasp and know it (it being the kingdom of god being within us) in a real way. tangibly. not feel good stuff. <br /><br />the big difference between belief and experience in gods love is an issue of the heart- both require a certain awareness and conscious activity; yet one maybe rooted on a deeper level than the other. to believe the teachings of christ and to know and understand god through his revelations, we must see the tangible results of a profound transformation of our perceptions, our actions, our lives, because of our faith and connectedness in god, creator. <br /><br />our obedience to god shouldn't be necessarily rooted in our obedience to the people who consider themselves appointed by god, nor should it be to a form or a community or a building or a rule. our obedience to god should be rooted in an reflect a genuine connection and awareness of god-spirit that cannot yield anything but love, an increasing desire for him, our present working out of salvation, worship. <br /><br />look at nature. the inanimate creation exists because of the same energy and intention as we do- and in its somewhat lifelessness, it can do nothing but worship and lay obedient to god. the mountains speak of god constantly, in every moment, every light, every season. <br /><br />we can't ignore god. we can't ignore the people who know and experience and are enriched by their oneness with god. we can't ignore the people who aren't so connected and who are equally searching for what it is their hearts say is missing. <br /><br />god has revealed the knowledge of himself, of us in him, of the existence outside of time and boundaries, through christ. and paul was plugging into something even deeper, begging us to understand just how rich and abundant and transcendent life with god can be...britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-86371958575660329942009-09-07T09:10:00.000-07:002009-09-07T09:14:10.430-07:00the writers freedomwriters block i may meet from time to time,<br />yet writing is what lets my spirit, my mind to fly.<br /><br />if not for writing, i may have dreams, i may observe all the different scenes<br />yet without writing where would i be?<br /><br />lost in the rhythms and the mazes that are me<br /><br />writers block i may stumble upon and yet<br />if not for writing,<br />how ever else would i experience freedom<br /><br />to think and process and create and reflect<br />to share and to wonder and practice and keep in check<br /><br />all these musings, all these songs that flutter and soar <br />aimlessly while in my head<br />and more concretely when i write them of myself insteadbritta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-24857251531835149532009-09-06T09:51:00.001-07:002009-09-06T09:53:42.909-07:00unfiltered findings...you persist in me. <br />like the consistent perfect alarm of the sun's first greeting.<br />times scorned upon and times rejoiced over reflect<br /> your unfailing persistence of me. <br /><br />i will not die today.<br /><br />i might be torn apart or worn down and yes, woe is me.<br />i may fall or cry in silence<br />but you,<br /><br />you persist in me and no,<br /><br />i will live today...britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-31831632218772593762009-09-03T13:04:00.000-07:002009-09-03T14:28:19.767-07:00stimulation<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SqA06x-0hfI/AAAAAAAAA3s/glyknsqr9eo/s1600-h/fullness"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 266px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SqA06x-0hfI/AAAAAAAAA3s/glyknsqr9eo/s400/fullness" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377356139534255602" /></a><br />william blake is a name i studied and discussed at length in college. and yet i find i am just beginning to unveil the depth and meaning of his words from a different context than i found myself while at school. kahil gibran is a name i've no tangible connection to other than being associated with these raw, fire-in-my-bones sensations resulting from reading his thoughts on life, on love, on the deeper subtleties of humanity. i'm inspired and intrigued because, from what i understand of these two men, their experience of god was very much involved with the christian faith, and yet their personal explorations and cultures allowed them vastly greater perceptions, exposure and immersion in entirely different cultures than what is typically 'christian'. <br /><br />here are some overviews, overlaps, over-the-counter available narrations of the potential for good and rightness in our human experience that are reminding me of the bigger picture, encouraging me in my faith, my journey, uplifting me in a time of questioning, doubting, craving, learning, exploring...words from a couple of brilliant poets that make life's quest unquestionably, simple. <br /><br />on love<br /> -we must give of ourselves to love, to "charge all things we fashion with a breath <br /> of our own spirit"(gibran), and from this we will be most inclined to be joyful, <br /> to forgive, to become great..<br /> -"when love beckons to you, follow him, though his ways are hard and steep" (gibran)<br /> <br />on our limited experience of god<br /> -as we make attachments to people, ideas, our bodies even, we limit ourselves. <br /> "he who binds himself to joy does the winged life destroy; but he who kisses the <br /> joy as it flies lives in eternity's sunrise"(blake).<br /> -"man has no body distinct from his soul; for that called Body is a portion of ihs <br /> soul discerned by the fire senses, the chief inlets of Soul in this age" (blake)<br /><br />on struggle<br /> -"in seed time learn, in harvest teach, in winter enjoy'(blake).<br /><br />on living life to the full<br /> -be thankful. in receiving. in eating. in working. in growing. <br /> -"think in the morning. act in the noon. eat in the evening. sleep in the night" <br /> (blake)britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-29432124833632111762009-09-02T22:57:00.001-07:002009-09-02T23:05:23.193-07:00sesame seeds,almonds, a dose of zinfandel and endless possibilitiesin the midst of a somewhat hectic, emotional though cleansing day i will claim that in the end of it all, i love to cook.<br /><br />i love to cook with wine. sometimes i'll add it to the recipe :) mix in a good dose of john coltrane, a little splash of creative juice, some serious solitude, and you've got an incredible recipe for self expression, satisfaction, and a beautiful toasted sesame almond honey chewy bar. <br /><br />conversations today included personal frustrations, emotional responses, the necessity of having one's own space, of controlling one's environment and self motivation (because that's really all you have to control in the long run), the boundless nature of god and our limited understanding or exploration of the bigger god picture, time management and value, gardens and their ever momentary evolutions, business and venture capitalism, change of roles, the delight of physical exhaustion and the new moon's patient oncoming...<br /><br />just a taste of tonight... thoughts inspired and mellowed by wine ought always to be recorded....britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-56504906335519668502009-08-31T13:51:00.001-07:002009-08-31T14:03:03.936-07:00more on breath<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/Spw6ZVB87II/AAAAAAAAA3k/tvGJoNX824c/s1600-h/pool.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/Spw6ZVB87II/AAAAAAAAA3k/tvGJoNX824c/s400/pool.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5376236261990001794" /></a><br />my arms stretch back as the muscles in my neck pull my head to the side and i devour the air residing in that pocket just beyond my ear. my forehead splashes back into the cool water as my shoulder turns, stretching far and my hand reaches forward launches my entire body ahead with strength and poise. bubbles explode and tickle my chin as the air continue to flow out from my nose, my chest and my mind are emptied and just at that peak moment when, for .00001 second motion ceases, the deep muscles of my abdomen contract and turn my body to the left, my arm, which knows it should stretch itself out before the sun and the sky arches back again and leads my collar bone to tell rumors to my neck muscles to follow along and...and my lunges are somehow again filled with air, that elixir of life and breath and being...<br /><br />breathing in, deeply. kicking, pulling, pushing, swimming, looking turning, pushing, pulling kicking, deeply, breathing out. <br /><br />the most pure, revitalizing, balancing, and calming practice. swimming is just like yoga. i can feel my entire body expand, open up, calm down as it warms up, stretch out and take in the energy it creates and expels. nothing like a cool dip in the warm morning air to free my mind, my body, to let myself go and pump and go and...breathbritta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-69355972868614954872009-08-31T13:39:00.000-07:002009-08-31T13:50:48.130-07:00people make me laughbeing uncomfortable has nothing to do with the people in a room, a public place, or any other open situation, and yet it has everything to do with them. everyone included. <br />being uncomfortable is an emotion elicited out of the fear of failure, the fear of fitting in, the fear of personal judgment or acceptance. each person in his or her respective way experiences this phenomenon to some degree, whether they announce it or not. <br /><br />so being uncomfortable really isn't anyone elses issue except your own. to transcend that awkward feeling, one has to look deeply inside and recognize that each surrounding individual is probably equally or more so uncomfortable, nervous, dealing with some issue or another in their own way. thus we should all free ourselves from this stress and laugh, sharing our iniquities, our quirks, our fears and our experiments. yes?<br /><br />people make me laugh for so many reasons. what they think they can get away with. how they treat other people. the silly ways that we eat, sleep, move, speak, dress, undress, fidget, breath, express, play, and engage. its beautiful. we humans love to move together. we collect in public places like coffee houses, business spaces, pubs, parks, community centers. we drive silly little cars and have some grandiose sense of our higher existence here on earth, when in reality we function very similarly to ants.<br />animals. butterflies. we build things. we inhabit places. we try to get close to people and we return to the same places over and over again. we try to escape people and we return to the same places over and over again. <br /><br />we're all so perfectly different and so perfectly the same. its quite ridiculous. so our being uncomfortable must be replaced with our being curious. our being creative. our being givers of ourselves and gigglers with others. somehow we are blessed to inhabit this earth together, to convene in little hubs speckled all over the surface and the crevaces of this planet. we're all doing the same things, in subtly different fashions. we're all god's creatures, big & small, evolving and moving, growing slowly and yet doing very much the same...<br /><br />look at us. aren't we funny?britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-85618577313099719082009-08-26T11:32:00.001-07:002009-08-26T11:53:59.995-07:00a speck of color turned to song<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SpWEvB-o8_I/AAAAAAAAA3Y/VHna3HenxCk/s1600-h/IMG_1257.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SpWEvB-o8_I/AAAAAAAAA3Y/VHna3HenxCk/s400/IMG_1257.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374347673856439282" /></a><br />and there i was, engaged in creation and in color, immersed in music, steeped in though, experiencing the pulse and movement of vibration. <br /><br />love is a pure vibration<br /> and<br /> love is <br /> what i am needing the most. to give of it freely. <br /> to be given it creatively. <br /><br />the sun spilled across my papers and the warm breeze brought their stiff edges to life. my thirst was overwhelming but was put off by my yearning to create, to explore, to somehow nurture that small sacred portion of my soul which pleads <br />for color <br />for movement<br />for change<br /><br />"If I speak in tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal". -1 Corinthians 13:1<br /><br />lately i've felt myself perhaps a resounding gong, a picture with no form- colors simply spread chaotically across a vast empty canvas. i spend time with my loved ones, i spend time doing those things which i love to do, yet am i truly loving others in the way that i am called to, how i desire to? <br /><br />i fear my love and my service to others (be them strangers, professionals, lovers, friends, sisters, fathers, brothers, dead mothers, the empowered and the unemployed) has been lacking; therefore my most creative expectations and efforts are not reaching their full potential, their full vibration. sketches remain lifeless, social engagements and responsibilities lack their luster, the joyous giggle that results from selfless giving and love...<br /><br />my painting is still far from complete, far from my satisfaction, and as we, she the muse and i the poet, the painter, the listener sit together in the afternoon heat, suddenly my paintbrush learns to skip, and my heart begins to flutter and all around me the music becomes alive<br /> alive with song, with rejoice, with freedom<br />sitting leads to painting and painting leads to singing and singing can lead to nothing else but dancing and dancing leads to exuberance and....<br /><br />suddenly there it all returns to silence, a brief equipoise. out of breath my hair in my face and my forehead collecting small beads of sweat. my ears are buzzing with the stillness, the vibration of love flowing through me and around me...britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-27132210132774810952009-08-24T10:01:00.000-07:002009-08-24T10:15:06.215-07:00how many licks?i bite candy. <br /><br />i want to be the kind of person who can quietly and peacefully lick, suck, and enjoy the sensation of a piece of candy, or ice, or similar items in my mouth and not have this strange desire or anxiety to bite, chew and eat it as quickly as possible. <br /><br />some people are biters. others are lickers. we can all still get along and we're all still very unique and no better than the other. but i do believe that there is something wonderful about a person who can discipline themselves and really be present while they almost meditatively enjoy the sweet juice, the feeling of a candy rolling against your teeth and inner cheeks, the sensation of knowing that your little bit of deliciousness might just last longer than anyone else's in the room...<br /><br />how many licks does it take YOU to get that feeling? to the CENTER of a toosie pop? what about a chocolate mint? what about a sesame covered roasted almond?britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-51021809959298204062009-08-15T18:10:00.000-07:002009-08-16T07:02:35.581-07:00personal trainingits really so much more than a physical workout... as i'm laying on my sweat embalmed gym mat listening to my trainer answer my question regarding the importance of pre and post stretching, i was almost stopped in my breath with his response. <br /><br />"everyone you talk to will say something different. i wouldn't believe everything that everyone says, but if he or she sounds pretty well versed in what they're speaking about and they're not preaching that this is the one and only way to do it, then i would suggest following their advice". matt from 24 hour fitness<br /><br />is he talking about my hamstrings or something much deeper, much more spiritual?<br /><br />words words and wisdoms coming...every-which way and every-which temperature and ever more frustrating that i can hardly hear myself think or detect the ink-ling of truth inside of me that says this is your path this is real and good, carve your own way and don't get lost in the maze of thoughts and what not's<br /><br />i'm sitting beneath magnolia trees listening to all these people's musings, of love, of life, of politics, of riches, of wonders, of all these thick emotions that thunder, we all want to be known, to express ourselves, to feel love to see love to breath love<br /><br />we're different but we're very much the same, we're all striving to get back to that sacred place from whence we came...lets be open to one another's creativity and create not a rigid stature of beliefs and truths but a flowing conversation of the god in me and in you...britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-46643257044040920762009-08-14T13:25:00.000-07:002009-08-14T13:40:12.778-07:00thoughts on the prophetkahlil gibran<br /><br />he speaks of embarking on a grand journey to return to the place of his birth, to return there, as a boundless drop of water returns to the boundless ocean... he wonders, at the sight of many gathering together per his departure, "shall the day of parting be the day of gathering? shall my desires flow like a fountain that I may fill their cups? am i a harp that the hand of the mighty may touch me, or a flute that his breath may pass through me?"<br /><br />i know very little about this man, his writing or his background, yet in these first lines of his poetry, his heart speaks to mine through gods deep currents, the affection of his words on me is inescapable <br /><br />we are all gods instruments, and as we allow his spirit to move through us and exude love, goodness, peace, hope, patience, all the fruits, we do find that our desires are met and our outpourings fill the cups of others...<br /><br />psalm 23<br />1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.<br /><br /> 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,<br /> he leads me beside quiet waters,<br /><br /> 3 he restores my soul.<br /> He guides me in paths of righteousness<br /> for his name's sake.<br /><br /> 4 Even though I walk<br /> through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]<br /> I will fear no evil,<br /> for you are with me;<br /> your rod and your staff,<br /> they comfort me.<br /><br /> 5 You prepare a table before me<br /> in the presence of my enemies.<br /> You anoint my head with oil;<br /> my cup overflows.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"> 6 Surely goodness and love will follow me<br /> all the days of my life,<br /> and I will dwell in the house of the LORD<br /> forever.</span>britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-68158898119582324972009-08-10T19:10:00.000-07:002009-08-10T19:37:44.152-07:00life is a circus...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SoDZD9Fb37I/AAAAAAAAA3Q/EVJB8f3-nZA/s1600-h/IMG_2182.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SoDZD9Fb37I/AAAAAAAAA3Q/EVJB8f3-nZA/s400/IMG_2182.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368529417785827250" /></a><br />for some, this statement falls nothing short of reality. <br /><br />the Ringling brother's Barnum and bailey circus recently visited san diego and having never attended or really witness any sort of live circus before i took advantage of the situation and the fact that my best friend's friend is the currently ringmaster of the entire show. <br /><br />needless to say i was simultaneously fascinated, impressed, and very disturbed. <br />never before have i seen such an incredible display of human strength, both mind and body. gymnasts, magicians, acrobats, lion tamers, elephant riders, behind the scenes prop pushers, and ragamuffin assortment of clowns and goofballs- all these and more come together and use their incredible physical skills and creative expression to put on a stunning performance; two hours of organized chaos.<br /><br />there were dogs doing back flips and belly dances, chasing owners and others in some sort of focused, synchronized, holy mess, and soon after came horses, elephants, and tigers acting the part they have tediously been trained and disciplined to act in a means to entertain and impress the masses with pizazz, creativity, and brute strength. <br />there were men and women executing mind boggling stunts- trapeze bars, cannonball projections, anti-gravity fliers, silk acrobatics and more...<br /><br />my eyes were moving more quickly than my mind could comprehend the neural input, and as i watched, spellbound by this critical mass of people, animals, colors, sounds, i couldn't help but wonder what the real picture resembles, both off and on the stage. <br />the circus is more than a show..is it a real life, real career, 24 hours a day operation. children are born into the circus as their families have inherited the skills and royalty positions for generations. the entire staff, compromised of over 300 humans, let alone the dozens of live and exotic creatures who play a main role, work, sleep, eat, play, travel, rest, exist together in the one of the most tight knit, bizarre and completely intriguing communities i have ever heard of. the circus is their life, their closest and most pure reality. for those of us who linger for the two hour show and catch glimpses of the grandeur of performance life, we perhaps have little recognition of our part in the whole picture. <br /><br />perhaps for some of the circus members, this lifestyle is a way out. for some its the only way. for others its the best dream they could ever imagine. humans will do anything in their reality to escape said and did reality. they will sacrifice time, money, morals, and labor to escape that itself. and us 'great' ones, who build this sort of escape in a natural response to our existence, profit from their stupidity and live the best reality. we are all- musicians, artists, seekers, growers, gypsies, go-getters, writers, students-circus freaks.britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-42496453601227289882009-07-31T14:47:00.001-07:002009-08-02T11:54:56.573-07:00loquat babies<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SnXg9Qwqc8I/AAAAAAAAA18/HZKQIrYnvjg/s1600-h/IMG_1934.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SnXg9Qwqc8I/AAAAAAAAA18/HZKQIrYnvjg/s200/IMG_1934.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5365441874157532098" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SnXg1-DdFTI/AAAAAAAAA10/BjYgjQHEk9A/s1600-h/IMG_1928.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SnXg1-DdFTI/AAAAAAAAA10/BjYgjQHEk9A/s200/IMG_1928.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5365441748876989746" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SnNp9ORd0yI/AAAAAAAAA1s/0vcwFC9K-Ag/s1600-h/IMG_1714.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SnNp9ORd0yI/AAAAAAAAA1s/0vcwFC9K-Ag/s200/IMG_1714.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364748081652683554" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SnNp3xqQ5BI/AAAAAAAAA1k/THJOy7bgn4Q/s1600-h/IMG_1712.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SnNp3xqQ5BI/AAAAAAAAA1k/THJOy7bgn4Q/s200/IMG_1712.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364747988072719378" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SnNpzhiqfmI/AAAAAAAAA1c/9mJGwa2m5II/s1600-h/IMG_1709.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SnNpzhiqfmI/AAAAAAAAA1c/9mJGwa2m5II/s200/IMG_1709.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364747915026398818" /></a><br />along with a few other ideas, projects, seeds that are taking root and springing forth, the ever growing, ever exciting loquat saplings are finally growing up!!<br /><br />we've taken care to nourish and protect them as they've been set in soil and now emerged into a beautiful, leafy green existence. <br /><br />we're hoping to plant them around the city where we can ensure their growth and health and even community participation so that years from now we'll be able to reap their fruits and promote free foraging for everyone!<br /><br />more updates later...britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-33626708944011573052009-07-31T14:18:00.000-07:002009-07-31T14:41:15.507-07:00transformation is a mouthfula push, a breeze, a more than subtle impetus is what i need. <br /><br />all my dreams, though some maybe quite quixotic, all my desires, my plans and my responsibilities, these inspirations and projects and plans and prospective inner growth always seem to gain so much strength and fervor, just like the silly rainstorms in san diego. they build build build with deep intensity, promise to deliver rain, the air temperature changes and the skies blue fades and we expect so much to come from it and...<br /><br />it fizzles. a few spitting mists of atmosphere-dirty moisture that tease and torment us fall every-which-way from the sky and then its back to being 65 and sunny again. <br /><br />i see this pattern in myself and it drives me crazy. because i'm tired of the sunny and 65 forecast for my journey, for my personal transformation and hunger to affect people and the world and to live the full and abundant life god intends me to live. <br /><br />i want to write a book. i'm not sure what it will look like but i really want to go through that process and to hand to someone the final, creative, hopefully inspiring and somewhat accurate product and be damn proud of myself. <br /><br />i want to work for a company or organization that transforms people- spiritually, emotionally, socially, environmentally. <br />i want to use my hands and my mind and my body and my ability to connect with people and my love for this earth and this life to really make progress in restoring the way we humans exist. <br />i want to plant gardens and teach people to grow good food. i want to encourage people to wear sunscreen and not waste water. <br />i want to read books with kids and play in cardboard boxes outside with them and give them hope and inspiration to play, to learn, to love, to seek after everything that they even unconsciously yearn for. <br />i want to write music and play my guitar for my own pleasure, to express my emotions and work through my thoughts, to praise god and celebrate love, sunshine, and the human experience. i want to practice more advanced finger-picking and chord structures, to push myself to master songs that i normally just sing to in the privacy of my car and not be afraid to bust them out for friends and family. <br />i want to be a good sister, daughter, friend, girlfriend, granddaughter, aunt, cousin, neighbor and keep up with people, affirm them, encourage, them, celebrate birthdays and anniversaries, send cookies and give more of myself. <br />i want to keep being the strong, athletic, driven girl that somehow i have created myself to be. i want to exercise harder, go further, stick to my disciplines, enjoy the sweat, the energy, the endorphins, the cleanse, the joy of respecting the beautiful body that god made in me. <br />i want to be financially stable so that i can afford to do the things in life that make it rich and god glorifying. i want my kids to have that freedom as well. <br />i want to own and run a cafe someday soon that explores food, people, culture, god, business, and music. i want it to be the ideal neighborhood hang out. i want it to be edgy and inviting, different but totally comfortable. profitable and educational. <br /><br />i could go on. <br /><br />and i think this is a great endeavor. it runs through my brain constantly and when there are moments that i forget or lose sight or step outside of my discipline and focus to get there i lose so much stamina and i get so upset. <br /><br />so if you read this and you know me, come along side me. help me make the best out of even unsatisfying storms. lets breath and work and play and eat and strive to be the best we can be as humans, as god's, as each othersbritta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-38131628259276812022009-07-31T13:43:00.000-07:002009-07-31T14:00:49.261-07:00doing nothing when planning on doing everythingsometimes i wonder if i will fail. <br /><br />i often do.<br />i'm pretty self critical and i struggle when i think that i fail<br />at my own goals or being an amazing friend or being incredibly productive and <br />fruitful and having a sense that i have an am establishing myself in this world and beyond this world, this life. sometimes i wonder if i fail in my walk following jesus, if i fail at being a good human being, however that looks like. i can't quite seem to pick one thing and nail it, master it, feel like i gave it my all...<br /><br />i definitely fail at conforming to the standards of high fashion, making obscene amounts of money, and having shallow relationships. <br /><br />in my darkest hours, i allow myself to believe these subtle limericks, to beat myself up again and again for not pushing hard enough, for not being there, for not doing as much as i expect of myself or compared to my peers and mentors. i allow my impatience to influence my train of thought, and allow self deprecating emotions and thoughts to muddy my clear view and my open perspective. i find myself in these strange moments, alone and unchecked in my tangle of thoughts and actions...i allow my selfish and undisciplined nature to seize the opportunity to lavish itself in ease, luxury, unconscious decisions...<br /><br />in Romans, Paul speaks about this struggle against his sinful nature, about knowing what is good, what is god's law, and yet not doing those things and hating himself for it... i guess my situation is similar, though i'm still trying to work out my opinions about the nature of man and whether all things that we do according to this are sin or what sin is really...but there's something catchy to how he says it in chapter 7: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do". <br /><br />self discipline is just that. confrontation. conscious intentional actions to see through the goals i set before myself and the traits i wish to pursue in my self. <br />there's harder days. i get down on myself. i loose a bit of strength and patience and self respect. i have to build it back up again, finding encouragement in prayer, meditation, focus...<br /><br />...........................................................................britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-10923136586611829062009-07-31T07:27:00.000-07:002009-07-31T13:41:07.299-07:00our little garden<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SnNW26rtnNI/AAAAAAAAA1U/UqQyyz1FuRA/s1600-h/grower.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SnNW26rtnNI/AAAAAAAAA1U/UqQyyz1FuRA/s400/grower.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364727082593918162" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SnMD2tLkl_I/AAAAAAAAA1M/1wfThlD8aRI/s1600-h/photo(6).jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SnMD2tLkl_I/AAAAAAAAA1M/1wfThlD8aRI/s400/photo(6).jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364635819504343026" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SnMDtyNAoII/AAAAAAAAA1E/oW1Gr6hPcHA/s1600-h/photo(5).jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/SnMDtyNAoII/AAAAAAAAA1E/oW1Gr6hPcHA/s400/photo(5).jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364635666233729154" /></a><br />ironically, i've installed my garden towards the end of summer season because its taken me longer than expected to gather all the supplies and really plan out and learn how i wanted to set up a backyard garden for myself and some of my gypsy friends...<br /><br />so finally, our small plot is ready...the hard, san diego clay has been tilled, nourished with compost and soaked to make a decent potting soil...tiers have been built to ensure good water flow and to give the garden a little shape and pizazz...seeds have been planted with care and with friends and hopefully in a couple of weeks we'll have the beginnings of some late summer fruits and veggies to watch and to help grow, and to enjoy, celebrating the beauty of growing our own food and sharing it in the context it was meant to be shared in...<br /><br /><br />arugula, spinach, bush beans, snow peas, tomatoes, cucumbers, beets, basil, cilantro and a few lovely flowers to give the area color and dimension<br /><br />here we go, lets hope that the heat and the roommates won't kill all the seeds that have been sown...britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-5157653624305300062009-07-27T17:01:00.000-07:002009-07-27T17:04:45.844-07:00through weather"Through weather. through weather's declensions.<br />Through spring's steep degrees, through five shapes of snow,<br />through the thunderhead's sexual green<br /><br />over green geometrical acreage,<br />through every stromy declension<br />of the heart I have cried your name...<br /><br />*<br /> And what is wind<br />but a dialect of longing?-: the high<br />pressure rushing to fill the low, the sky<br /><br />trying to shake its heats against the earth's <br />asymptotic cool, its somersaulting cools<br />against the earth's radiance. all weather<br /><br />springs from currents of failed desire. No wonder <br />the wind, when it says anything at all,<br />howls."<br /><br />-kimberly johnson, <span style="font-style:italic;">a metaphorical god</span>britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-4296501222107239042009-07-27T11:01:00.000-07:002009-07-27T11:20:27.424-07:00getting to the deeper things of god<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/Sm3vuyjSkiI/AAAAAAAAAzI/KU8u8-YRrfI/s1600-h/CIMG9748.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/Sm3vuyjSkiI/AAAAAAAAAzI/KU8u8-YRrfI/s400/CIMG9748.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5363206318390940194" /></a><br />paul, in 1 corinthians 2, writes of god's "secret wisdom-that has been hidden and destine for our glory before time began". <br /><br />i've read this verse countless times; yet i've not before now taken the time to explore what he's actually writing about. he assures readers that, had the rulers of the time understood this sort of wisdom, they would not have even thought to crucify Christ.<br /><br />"no eye has seen nor ear has heard, no mind conceived what god has prepared for those who love him"<br /><br />paul stretches my intrigue even further in the next line when he says, "but god has revealed it to us by his spirit, which searches for all things, even the deep things of god". <br /><br />as much as we need and crave the community and the structure and the foundations that the church provides us with, as much as we have been taught that we need to follow a format and reach out in order to know god,<br /> god is in us, with us, and is us<br />and we have the perfect, natural ability to access god, the energy and the wisdom and the love that is god, by our receptivity to the gift of his spirit. <br /><br />"we have not received the spirit of the world, but the spirit who is from god, that we may freely understand what god has given us" (12)<br /><br />isn't all of our earthly, human "wisdom" silly sometimes compared to the reality of the sacred wisdom of god? (which i believe is founded and embodied in love and obedience to him. aren't we so crafty with all of our schemes to experience god in our own way or to exercise leverage and power over one another in the name of religion and wisdom and truth?britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1096539046040972792.post-39338299197749397332009-07-27T10:54:00.000-07:002009-07-27T11:00:45.811-07:004th of july<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/Sm3rQLnu54I/AAAAAAAAAzA/ybaT5NQBLvs/s1600-h/IMG_1755.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/Sm3rQLnu54I/AAAAAAAAAzA/ybaT5NQBLvs/s200/IMG_1755.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5363201394498004866" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/Sm3q-WMFrsI/AAAAAAAAAy4/xvG6QcHnrtw/s1600-h/IMG_1752.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_AKJf-jDXne0/Sm3q-WMFrsI/AAAAAAAAAy4/xvG6QcHnrtw/s200/IMG_1752.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5363201088097201858" /></a><br />a little late i know...<br /><br />but there was something magical that happened as we celebrated our American independence this year...my friends and I all gathered on our rooftop palace with a delicious spread of savory treats, the most amazing view of downtown san diego cast against a breathtaking backdrop of sherbet skies, the moon rising effortlessly in the growing blueness, and the sense of goodness and home and abundant life pervading all my senses...<br /><br />not to mention the five synchronized firework displays that entertained us as the sky darkened and cheers were heard from all around...<br /><br />just a few glimpses of the magic...britta raelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02324086041533766973noreply@blogger.com0