cold fronts, bowls of pho, and urban ministry

i'm beginning to accept the fact that those tight knots we develop in the small crevices of our shoulder blades really do emerge from stress and fatigue...i spent saturday night trying to sleep on a concrete floor in the basement of Mid City Nazarene Church, still wearing the clothes (and shoes) i had worn all throughout the day's long activities. welcome back to volunteering at church...i spent lots of time this weekend listening to stories, singing songs, eating, andwaiting for instructions, but even more i spent time listening to myself, my thoughts and my emotions, ache and itch to be the center of attention, to voice my opinion, to take control of the situations.

i would classify myself as a good traveler, an easy-going free spirit, a pretty knowledgeable person when it comes to leadership, unfamiliar circumstances, challenges. yet more and more i am learning and gaining an awareness of how quickly my selfishness can surreptisiously emerge, how my pride and overly exciteable nature can squash my humility, how even though i may not give voice to it my minor discomforts and frustrations do take an incredible toll on my outlook, my attitude, my ability to step forth confidently and quietly lead others...

with the weekend came an incredibly overwhelming cold front...i tend to mimic a small creature of the tundra when this phenomenon occurs- i often sense myself becoming tired, aggravated, anxious and unable to concentrate on anything besides warmth... with the closing of the weekend came an overly extended vietnamese dining experience, which normally would have been fun and delicious, yet i found myself so disappointed at my below-temperature, below-standard, not-so-delectable bowl of 'pho' (fuh) and restless to move on to another more personally pleasing experience....with the weekend came an incredible glimpse of an incredible church that serves over 7 different cultural congregations whose doors are always open and even though the people, the buildings, the location, the resources are not as pretty and abundant as we would enjoy, there's such a dose of reality, of compassion, of community and of love there that all my meager and quiet complaints were silenced.

so despite the crick in my back, which i will learn to deal with, i guess i'm just refelcting on how much i can learn about myself, how strikingly obvious my weaknesses become when thrust into the midst of sometimes uncomfortable ministry and group dynamics. its just another opportunity to go inward and evalutate myself, to focus on the things that need to be recalibrated, grown, fed, so that i can be a better leader, follower, lover of people...