more on breath

my arms stretch back as the muscles in my neck pull my head to the side and i devour the air residing in that pocket just beyond my ear. my forehead splashes back into the cool water as my shoulder turns, stretching far and my hand reaches forward launches my entire body ahead with strength and poise. bubbles explode and tickle my chin as the air continue to flow out from my nose, my chest and my mind are emptied and just at that peak moment when, for .00001 second motion ceases, the deep muscles of my abdomen contract and turn my body to the left, my arm, which knows it should stretch itself out before the sun and the sky arches back again and leads my collar bone to tell rumors to my neck muscles to follow along and...and my lunges are somehow again filled with air, that elixir of life and breath and being...

breathing in, deeply. kicking, pulling, pushing, swimming, looking turning, pushing, pulling kicking, deeply, breathing out.

the most pure, revitalizing, balancing, and calming practice. swimming is just like yoga. i can feel my entire body expand, open up, calm down as it warms up, stretch out and take in the energy it creates and expels. nothing like a cool dip in the warm morning air to free my mind, my body, to let myself go and pump and go and...breath

people make me laugh

being uncomfortable has nothing to do with the people in a room, a public place, or any other open situation, and yet it has everything to do with them. everyone included.
being uncomfortable is an emotion elicited out of the fear of failure, the fear of fitting in, the fear of personal judgment or acceptance. each person in his or her respective way experiences this phenomenon to some degree, whether they announce it or not.

so being uncomfortable really isn't anyone elses issue except your own. to transcend that awkward feeling, one has to look deeply inside and recognize that each surrounding individual is probably equally or more so uncomfortable, nervous, dealing with some issue or another in their own way. thus we should all free ourselves from this stress and laugh, sharing our iniquities, our quirks, our fears and our experiments. yes?

people make me laugh for so many reasons. what they think they can get away with. how they treat other people. the silly ways that we eat, sleep, move, speak, dress, undress, fidget, breath, express, play, and engage. its beautiful. we humans love to move together. we collect in public places like coffee houses, business spaces, pubs, parks, community centers. we drive silly little cars and have some grandiose sense of our higher existence here on earth, when in reality we function very similarly to ants.
animals. butterflies. we build things. we inhabit places. we try to get close to people and we return to the same places over and over again. we try to escape people and we return to the same places over and over again.

we're all so perfectly different and so perfectly the same. its quite ridiculous. so our being uncomfortable must be replaced with our being curious. our being creative. our being givers of ourselves and gigglers with others. somehow we are blessed to inhabit this earth together, to convene in little hubs speckled all over the surface and the crevaces of this planet. we're all doing the same things, in subtly different fashions. we're all god's creatures, big & small, evolving and moving, growing slowly and yet doing very much the same...

look at us. aren't we funny?

a speck of color turned to song

and there i was, engaged in creation and in color, immersed in music, steeped in though, experiencing the pulse and movement of vibration.

love is a pure vibration
and
love is
what i am needing the most. to give of it freely.
to be given it creatively.

the sun spilled across my papers and the warm breeze brought their stiff edges to life. my thirst was overwhelming but was put off by my yearning to create, to explore, to somehow nurture that small sacred portion of my soul which pleads
for color
for movement
for change

"If I speak in tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal". -1 Corinthians 13:1

lately i've felt myself perhaps a resounding gong, a picture with no form- colors simply spread chaotically across a vast empty canvas. i spend time with my loved ones, i spend time doing those things which i love to do, yet am i truly loving others in the way that i am called to, how i desire to?

i fear my love and my service to others (be them strangers, professionals, lovers, friends, sisters, fathers, brothers, dead mothers, the empowered and the unemployed) has been lacking; therefore my most creative expectations and efforts are not reaching their full potential, their full vibration. sketches remain lifeless, social engagements and responsibilities lack their luster, the joyous giggle that results from selfless giving and love...

my painting is still far from complete, far from my satisfaction, and as we, she the muse and i the poet, the painter, the listener sit together in the afternoon heat, suddenly my paintbrush learns to skip, and my heart begins to flutter and all around me the music becomes alive
alive with song, with rejoice, with freedom
sitting leads to painting and painting leads to singing and singing can lead to nothing else but dancing and dancing leads to exuberance and....

suddenly there it all returns to silence, a brief equipoise. out of breath my hair in my face and my forehead collecting small beads of sweat. my ears are buzzing with the stillness, the vibration of love flowing through me and around me...

how many licks?

i bite candy.

i want to be the kind of person who can quietly and peacefully lick, suck, and enjoy the sensation of a piece of candy, or ice, or similar items in my mouth and not have this strange desire or anxiety to bite, chew and eat it as quickly as possible.

some people are biters. others are lickers. we can all still get along and we're all still very unique and no better than the other. but i do believe that there is something wonderful about a person who can discipline themselves and really be present while they almost meditatively enjoy the sweet juice, the feeling of a candy rolling against your teeth and inner cheeks, the sensation of knowing that your little bit of deliciousness might just last longer than anyone else's in the room...

how many licks does it take YOU to get that feeling? to the CENTER of a toosie pop? what about a chocolate mint? what about a sesame covered roasted almond?

personal training

its really so much more than a physical workout... as i'm laying on my sweat embalmed gym mat listening to my trainer answer my question regarding the importance of pre and post stretching, i was almost stopped in my breath with his response.

"everyone you talk to will say something different. i wouldn't believe everything that everyone says, but if he or she sounds pretty well versed in what they're speaking about and they're not preaching that this is the one and only way to do it, then i would suggest following their advice". matt from 24 hour fitness

is he talking about my hamstrings or something much deeper, much more spiritual?

words words and wisdoms coming...every-which way and every-which temperature and ever more frustrating that i can hardly hear myself think or detect the ink-ling of truth inside of me that says this is your path this is real and good, carve your own way and don't get lost in the maze of thoughts and what not's

i'm sitting beneath magnolia trees listening to all these people's musings, of love, of life, of politics, of riches, of wonders, of all these thick emotions that thunder, we all want to be known, to express ourselves, to feel love to see love to breath love

we're different but we're very much the same, we're all striving to get back to that sacred place from whence we came...lets be open to one another's creativity and create not a rigid stature of beliefs and truths but a flowing conversation of the god in me and in you...

thoughts on the prophet

kahlil gibran

he speaks of embarking on a grand journey to return to the place of his birth, to return there, as a boundless drop of water returns to the boundless ocean... he wonders, at the sight of many gathering together per his departure, "shall the day of parting be the day of gathering? shall my desires flow like a fountain that I may fill their cups? am i a harp that the hand of the mighty may touch me, or a flute that his breath may pass through me?"

i know very little about this man, his writing or his background, yet in these first lines of his poetry, his heart speaks to mine through gods deep currents, the affection of his words on me is inescapable

we are all gods instruments, and as we allow his spirit to move through us and exude love, goodness, peace, hope, patience, all the fruits, we do find that our desires are met and our outpourings fill the cups of others...

psalm 23
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

life is a circus...

for some, this statement falls nothing short of reality.

the Ringling brother's Barnum and bailey circus recently visited san diego and having never attended or really witness any sort of live circus before i took advantage of the situation and the fact that my best friend's friend is the currently ringmaster of the entire show.

needless to say i was simultaneously fascinated, impressed, and very disturbed.
never before have i seen such an incredible display of human strength, both mind and body. gymnasts, magicians, acrobats, lion tamers, elephant riders, behind the scenes prop pushers, and ragamuffin assortment of clowns and goofballs- all these and more come together and use their incredible physical skills and creative expression to put on a stunning performance; two hours of organized chaos.

there were dogs doing back flips and belly dances, chasing owners and others in some sort of focused, synchronized, holy mess, and soon after came horses, elephants, and tigers acting the part they have tediously been trained and disciplined to act in a means to entertain and impress the masses with pizazz, creativity, and brute strength.
there were men and women executing mind boggling stunts- trapeze bars, cannonball projections, anti-gravity fliers, silk acrobatics and more...

my eyes were moving more quickly than my mind could comprehend the neural input, and as i watched, spellbound by this critical mass of people, animals, colors, sounds, i couldn't help but wonder what the real picture resembles, both off and on the stage.
the circus is more than a show..is it a real life, real career, 24 hours a day operation. children are born into the circus as their families have inherited the skills and royalty positions for generations. the entire staff, compromised of over 300 humans, let alone the dozens of live and exotic creatures who play a main role, work, sleep, eat, play, travel, rest, exist together in the one of the most tight knit, bizarre and completely intriguing communities i have ever heard of. the circus is their life, their closest and most pure reality. for those of us who linger for the two hour show and catch glimpses of the grandeur of performance life, we perhaps have little recognition of our part in the whole picture.

perhaps for some of the circus members, this lifestyle is a way out. for some its the only way. for others its the best dream they could ever imagine. humans will do anything in their reality to escape said and did reality. they will sacrifice time, money, morals, and labor to escape that itself. and us 'great' ones, who build this sort of escape in a natural response to our existence, profit from their stupidity and live the best reality. we are all- musicians, artists, seekers, growers, gypsies, go-getters, writers, students-circus freaks.