prayer

o thou, you are the perfection of love, harmony, and beauty, the lord of heaven and earth and all that exists in between and far beyond,

open my heart, soften my eyes, and quiet all my stirrings, that i may hear your voice, which constantly comes from within.

aum. amen.

a treatise of sorts

the discourses of philosophy, love, spirituality and existence seem to constantly overlap one another; a magical and mystical dance of sorts that captures our human attention and draws us in, begging us to question the meaning of life, the means to the end, the rhyme and reason to our relationship to the divine.

i'm reveling in the cooling mist that has drifted effortlessly down upon every delicate part of the earth this morning, relieving me from the intense heat of the past few days. i've watched the light from the new day surreptitiously find its way into my bedroom window, annointing every object and space with a soft, hopeful, and cheery glow. i've spent time in this silence, doing my morning meditation and prayer, gaining energy and a peaceful demeanor towards the day...and now i'm beginning to piece together a sampling of beautiful thoughts and ideas from the reading i've become so immersed in lately. like the small spark you experience when you rush too quickly across a carpeted surface, i've caught a glimpse of the larger picture that all these pieces, all these colors, are working towards completing...

a novel i just finished, Steppenwolf, Herman Hesse discusses man's desire for finding communion with the divine, for escaping the duality of one's self and one's despairing emotions to find true happiness, to exist in all the fullness and richness that being alive can offer. again and again i'm reminded of what John records of Christ's teaching in the New Testament- "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds" (12.24). Essentially he suggests that we as humans must always first die to ourselves in order that we can live the full life intended for us by our Creator God. The miniscule exposure i've had to different yoga practices and teachings emphasizes the same message; each of us is responsible for all the rest, every individual soul is essentially a part of the larger communion of souls, therefore we must take on the responsibility of loving others before ourselves. Deep within us IS the kingdom of God, in the stillness that is so often muddied by our material lives we have an unlimited state of existence and bliss. there has to be some degree of separation from ourselves and our physical needs, worries, attachments, in order to increase our capacity to experience god, to experience joy and weightlessness...
another author, Milan Kundera, writes The Unbearable Lightness of Being describing our tendency to make our lives incredibly heavy, burdened by emotions, questions, fears. he writes a beautiful romance that underscores this notion of living in the moment, not taking everything with such gravity but letting life unfold around us and participating fully in it and ascribing meaning and depth to life, but not being limited by our mortality. like Nietzsche would argue in nihilism: there may be no eternal return or cycle of living. all of our experiences occur only briefly, and only once, therefore we MUST make the most of every moment and live fully alive. god's spirit is in us and he has blessed us with the ability and the opportunity to enjoy a beautiful, rich, blissful existence with him, if we would only let go of ourselves and our egos and take part in the glorious story that we're already swept up in...

senior reflections: culminations of college, culture, and curiosity

the shock of huge literary theory anthologies crashing onto the floor during an intertesting but somewhat repetetive lecture; the ovewhelming mixture of nauseaufrom yet another assigned research paper coupled with the exuberating joy in knowing it will be my last; walking down the middle of 'caf-lane' and, with a pause, approaching the crowd of students busting outside of the commons area, reveling in the very unique, very isolated, and very creative ecosystem we inhabit; noticing that my nails have been chewed down to the skin, that my refrigerator has been mostly empty and that my car has become more of an armoir for my miscellaneous belongings;

i realize in all of these things that there's four weeks left of this spring semester, the final thrust of hard work, creativity, and making things stretch towards the achievement of that celebrated college diploma. there's a little less than thirty days until all final grades must be submitted, all bags have to be packed, all loose ends somehow tied up or jumbled into some different shape than they are now(or so i'm told that's what is expected)

have i tasted everything i could have tasted here? have i been the responsible student and leader that i aspired to be when i first arrived? have i invested in healthy, strong relationships with mentors, friends, and family to help prepare me for this transition out of my simple college life and into the bigger, even more glorious and open real-world? have i spent enough time in silence and solitude praying for wisdom, praising god for the ways he has shaped and taught me in this place? have i said thank you enough to the people who have given themselves, their time, their finances, their love to me?? have i save up enough quarters to at least get through a month's worth of laundry after i graduate!!?? will i miss writing literary analyses and discussing the importance of the narrative in the grander scheme of things??

i've experienced an increasing abundance of reflections over the last month or so as my mind and heart is preparing to leave this place, to finish this chapter, this paragraph even, and begin another portion of my story. i guess this not really beginning a new portion as much as continuing the complex narrative that has been in progress for the last twenty two year, the last two thousand years, the last billion years that we have all existed here and been seeking after the same thing...growing in our capacity as humans to know god and to love him and one another. i'm simply another character of an already beautifully constructed story that has been and will continue to move and change and grow...

here's to what could be the most intense four weeks of my life as a college student, here's to pereseverance, discipline, making good decisions, laughter, joy, unlimited gratitude, qualitye time with friends and many many cups of steaming hot earl grey tea :)

hunting for fallen fruit...

yesterday marked the zenith of the season for the most overlooked, undervalued, and delicious treasures of san diego: the loquat fruit...for those of you still unbenounced to know what delicacy i am speaking of, the loquat fruit originates from China and resembles a mix of apricot, pear, and apple.

interspersed throughout san diego county are hundreds of loquat trees, most on public property, of which the majority go unnoticed, uncared for, and definitely not harvested. therefore there exist a select few committed to taking advantage of the good local fruits of the earth...

loquat hunting is now in full bloom. not only is it the sweet and tart, succulent flavors that each vibrant orange fruit contains in its soft, spring juices that entice us but the hunt itself draws us in. loquat trees are so often camoflauged in people's front yards or public parks and neigborhoods by other trees, they lay heavy with fruit, beckoning to the eager seeker to come and partake of all the 'secret' treasures. much time has been dedicated into creating an intricately detailed map of some of the best, most voluptuous and sweet trees. this information of course cannot be revealed to the public for the sake of maintaining the harvest's longevity...

we want to ensure that our love for this delicious fruit does not entitle us to selfish behavior however; loquat hunting requires respect and care towards trees and their branches, towards the planting and growth of new loquat saplings, a regard for only taking as much as one truly needs to satiate the loquat cravings...as for now, sunday morning has brought an incredible harvest. its time to make jam and to share the beauty of this local treasure with loved ones..


onwards and upwards in the peak of spring time!

silence: an appetizer for the upcoming feast

after a dizzying two weekend of gypsy concerts, night-time motorcycle rides, a trip up the coast to Los Angeles, beautiful, breezy afternoons in the perfect san diego neighborhoods, and days spent in the presence of so many great, brilliant, delicate and beautiful souls, i'm chewing on a lot of mental and spiritual fodder.
brett dennen sings songs of celebrating being alive, of facing the big issues in life with suited with love and compassion, of living each day as it were your last...leonard cohen sings of love, lust, and god's will, the deep cravings of humanity...Christ taught his disciples that those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, who strive to be peacemakers and to show mercy, those will be blessed and will inherit the earth...sadghuru, the founder and guru of Isha Yoga, inspires people to accept responsibility for one another, to embrace the people of the world with love, to enable oneself to be limitless by simply cultivating a willing spirit to change, to increase human consciousness...

i've been digging these past few days, in my own introspection and in scripture...i'm forced to find silence in the stillness of infinite motion, much like the sleep of a spinning top (thanks to thomas hardy for creating such perfect imagery). there's constantly a whirlwind of movement and change, both surrounding me and deep, deep within me; yet along my journey so far i've been blessed to discover and to have learned a few beautiful ways to focus all that energy, all that motion and to find a solitude unlike any other i've ever before witnessed or experienced.

isha is becoming more to me than a faraway idea, a distant community, a new and very different form of yoga... the noise of life and existence has been extremely loud lately, caught up in the very zenith of growth and change, sprouting seeds of faith, love, song, projects, friendships, well-being... the discipline of doing isha yoga has brought me so much peace and tranquility, physically of course, but emotionally and spiritually my practice ensures that i have the time and space to sit and absorb, indulge, and become absolved in silence with my maker...

'the lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the lord, it is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. let him sit in silence for the lord has laid it on him. let him bury his face in the dust, there may yet be hope' -lamentations 3:25

so many of my days, my minutes, my moments of being alive and aware, have been spent steeped in prayer...before meals, before challenges, during worship, during gatherings of friends and families, in the midst of adventure and bliss, in the very darkest corners of sorrow and despair, in praise for things received or lessons learned and in the brightest of rejoice...it is what keeps me grounded, overflowing with his spirit, aware not only of myself but more of Him...

i'm expecting a great feast this weekend...but i'm equally expecting a lot of silence in respect and of maundy thursday, passover, good friday...i'm expecting a blinding array of celebration and worship as the sun rises again over this cold earth, the warmth of the Son lighting up the sky and the spirits in you and i...

permanents and flat irons...hair care

correct me if im off base here, but i have a legitimate concern that i am losing my hair...

let me clarify though, by 'losing my hair' i mean 'losing that beautiful blonde luster that has defined and propelled me for the 22 years of my existence!'

for the last 3 weeks, nearly every day i am finding (and intentionally removing) long strands of deep brown and black hair. i find myself questioning my identity, my religion, my social ranking...what long term impact will a progressive change from blonde to auburn have on my life as it is now? will my friends view me the same? will my outlook on life be drastically different, maybe even better, if i were a darker breed of blonde?

these are the kinds of questions that i ponder sometimes, often during the middle portions of my literature classes when the class discussion has become too heated or the sun is shining too brightly outside to concentrate on anything meaningful.

i hope i find some answers, and i really hope i don't lose all my blonde hair. for now, shampoo, conditioner, smoothing serum and lots of love for those little whispy curls will be the prescribed ritual until further notice...

...and a drizzle of sweet succulence

honey from sicily literally tastes like pizza. the minute the glowing goo melted into my mouth i could taste the fresh dough and spicy aromas...clever no?

have you ever tasted a honey that so well resembled that still-warm-frosted-gingerbread cake taste that pools at the base of your tongue swirling the syrupy goodness until your entire mouth succumbs in perfect bliss??
then there's the absolute beautiful sensation of dipping your spoon into the deep bouquet of creamy, mellisonant, swedish honey. i can hardly keep my nose out of the jar before our friend, 'pooh' reminds me of his no double-dipping policy.

selling honey is much more than a business. i learned that it is just as much of apart of every day life for those involved as exercise or laughterer or work. in spending the morning with a friend, i tasted at least 60 different species, colors, and flavors of honey from all around the world ,getting the biggest and most delicious sugar rush i've ever had. eucalyptus-orangeblossom-sulla-manuka-clover-acacia-avocado-heather-blackberry-all raw, all organic, all sensational.

the secret life of bees, their patterns and their capacities for self-preservation is an incredibly mind-blowing, amazingly precise and beautiful science. i am in awe of god's brilliance and creativity as i explore this new micro-universe. honey heals wounds and ailments, helps allergies and boosts immunity, regulates digestion and is the perfect source of energy for the body. the same bees will continue to make honey in the same place with the same flowers for as long as is possible with the queen of the hive. they too are tenacious little balls of energy...

maybe honey is the key to our longevity, our ability to 'be limitless'... maybe mary poppins wasn't too far off when she recommended a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down. she probably meant a nice dollup of dark, woodsy Zambezi honey but realized it wouldn't fit as well in the song....

for now, i'm going to keep honey as a part of my well-balanced lifestyle until something better comes around the corner :)




beelimitless.com

the beauty of the used and the for sale

i'm not sure what his name really is or where he's from, but i have to give it to the guy who invented craigslist.com...he is one very smart and very successful individual.

Every day for the last year or so there has been advertised on craigslist this ad (or something very similar) "FREE JACUZZI: works and is in great shape only 5 years old. don't want to move it and i dont use it its just in the way of my new garden...."

craigslist has blessed me with wild bouts of laughter from time to time, helped me make a ton of side cash (and spend a ton of side cash too), and not to mention allowed me to somehow or for some reason completely beyond my comprehending meet one of my now best friends and deepest love...

so be it tables, surfboards, leftover chimichangas, low mileage, well maintained honda civics, entertaining job postings, or free couches, to the man behind the curtain of craigslist.com, we praise you for your creativity, simplicty, and incredible talent in bringing people, and their stuff, together


---thoughts from my couch----

april...the month of beginnings and tom foolery

careful, april blew in this morning with a cold grey fog that covered the sky but could hardly covered all the projects, ideas, to-dos, places, people, and time that are sparkling in my eyes... including that giggle that hides in the back of my throat, celebrating today as the most silly day...

i've decided that april is the month of beginnings. its the beginning of the end of my college career. less than 2 full months left at this so familiar, so comfortable stage of life. its the beginning of the next stage, of a lot of hard work and pursuit of passions, of growth and depth and height and breadth...its the beginning of spring when all the desert flowers are vibrantly and enthusiastically poking their heads out from behind cold, hibernating rocks, blessing all the passersby with their smiley radiance... its the beginning of businesses, of new jobs, of babies being born and most of all the beginning of whats already proven to be an incredible journey.

and today specifically marks the beginning of my one month video documentary, designed to capture all the funny moments and jokes, the crazy late nights of studying and putting together of things, the beauty of nature unfolding her divinity just before us...

i'll see how it turns out, but for now its off to the library to keep on keep'n on.