finding myself at somewhere around 12,000 ft elevation, surrounded by thick pine trees on a slope heavy laden with 2 feet of fresh powder, completely alone and completely awestruck at the silence, the majesty of my surroundings, the peacefulness of that moment, somehow a little saying from a card i once received flooded my mind...
was nietzsche on to something when he said, "one must still have chaos in oneself to give birth to a dancing star"?
i've been reading quite a bit since being on holiday (shocking that i still have any capacity for reading outside of school work), two books in particular that i have chosen to read simultaneously because each offers insight about god, people, and the processes of getting deeper and closer to to communion with Him, or 'the ultimate'.
in my short time here on earth i have come to realize that every person is innately broken. there's a certain degree of fragmentation within us, deeper than our physical bodies, minds and energies. there's a brokenness within our spirit, that stems from our "willful and chronic mistrust"(1) in god's Word and and his interaction with us. its almost as if we are limited from truly experiencing the peace, and unboundedness of God, of being His creation...there's a certain chaos in each human being that somehow manifests itself as a result of this, and i have found from history, stories, and testimonies that we're all doing the same thing... "the vast sea of humanity of which I am part is constantly looking for something, striving toward something, failing again and again and trying again and again" (2)
i suppose that when i read nietzsche's words i was struck with an enormous question: the chaos and commotion instilled in each individual soul can either be very destructive, causing us pain and trial as a result of repeated attempts to find peace, to find truth in things, places, or people where that peace does not exist...or it can propel us on our journeys, catalyzing in us creativity and productivity, introspection and intellectual pondering, relationships with one another and closer communion and depth of understanding of Who has created us.
so what is the dancing star? is it creativity? is it pleasure or joy or the beauty of our unique individuality? if we do find a release from our inner chaos, if we do find God and begin to trust Him, to submit ourselves to Him, to merge our souls into a peaceful communion with the Creator, does this eliminate our ability to give birth to those dancing stars? or will it somehow ignite our energies, sharpen our sensitivities, empower us to think and sing and grow and change and create and enjoy all the more as He intended us to do??? what about the snow covered peak? there is beauty and divinity even about an entire mountainside in perfect, untouched snow, but isn't it all the more thrilling and inspiring to see one perfect trail from a ski or snowboard running right through the middle of the untouched snow and to think about that path, that person's experience and journey, the little bit of chaos in the midst of a huge blanket of peace and perfection?
(1) "A New Way To Be Human" by Charlie Peacock
(2) "Midnights With a Mystic" by Cheryl Simone and Sadghuru Jaggi Vasudev
"Why Lord, why? By ignoble whips of pain, man is driven at last into the Infinite Presence, whose beauty alone should lure him."
ReplyDelete-Paramahda Yoganada, "Autobiography of a Yogi"
Yesterday I sat down on the sound-muffling, soft, soul-stilling blanket of snow created in the meteorological turmoil and chaos in the skies above only 2 days before. Thank God for that chaos which gave me such stillness as I sat (frozen!) in the snow with steaming hot tea...
I think that Nietzsche, Yogananda and the hundreds of other that say stars, beauty, creation itself are all born from chaos. Some of the greatest artwork, literature, and personal transformations and enlightenment have come through chaos.
But at what price? War may bring the creation of a new nation or identity, but at the cost of lives and devastation. Personal chaos could bring a new, transformational outlook for someone, but potentially at a cost to their physical health. Isn't there another way to reach the Ultimate? Isn't there another method for transformation? This is 2009!!! There's got to be a better way...
What is chaos, really? Its a tremendous amount of energy. Couldn't that crazy amount of energy also be positive instead of having a negative connotation? Like the mind-blowing powerful nuclear reaction in a power plant that's controlled to harness energy, what if humans could create their very own "Controlled Chaos" inside themselves? What if that powerful energy and "chaos" was generated from good things, thinking, actions rather than negative chaos?
It may sound counter intuitive, but I think the more "choas" or energy we have inside of us, the more still and focused we can become. As long as we have a "system" to positively harness that chaos or energy. It's like one of those old ceiling fans. When its on low, its loud, wobbles greatly back and forth, and without creating much air. But when its on high and the blades turn quickly, it stops wobbling, becomes steady, gets quiet and makes a great amount of air. That's controlled chaos...
How do we control our chaos or energy? I think everyone needs a "system", and there is no one perfect system. But you must find a system that you follow every day, with presence and focus. Or you could just sit on the snow and drink tea!