glimpses of me: an entirely random amalgamation of thoughts

i have perpetually cold extremities. therefore i love hot tea and moving my body to keep from being cold. i'm in the process of determining whether or not this is the result of anemia or simply all my energy and blood is swirling around in my heart and my mind lately and there has been little excess warmth to spread to those less 'significant' body parts.

i have recently become entirely too obsessed with almonds. pure unadulterated and chunky almond butter makes my mouth water even at sight of the jar. raw, non pasturized almonds, maybe mixed with a few cranberries or a bite of a perfect green apple. roasted almonds. sliced almonds, perhaps sprinkled over a salad or a fresh batch of cookies. almond based trail mix. almond milk. almond scented candles and body lotion.

i realize that there has been lately a constant stream of dreams, questions, dizzying emotions and thoughts running about my mind, buzzing up and down my spine, swirling in the very deepest of soul-corners. many of these thoughts have no particular logical coordination nor do they emphasize the need for outward expression, but i find that a good bunch of them are hardly coincidental, given the fact that i'm 21, graduating collge in 14 weeks, yearning to do good in the world and love God. in the grand scheme of life, all of these are good things, beautiful things, perfect things. in the more intimate reality of my self and my life often i find myself internally shouting at the top of my lungs trying to find some direction, trying to make sense of things and produce a creative outpouring of expression that could adequately purvey these thoughts... more and more it becomes an even bigger project, a perpetual and exponential game which i cannot escape. and yet even descartes claimed that to stop thinking is to stop existing...

i am unbelievably blessed and take my state of being for granted nearly every day. i know the god of the universe who loves me. he makes it clear every day with every gorgeous bit of nature, every soft tug on my heart. i have amazing friends, family and support. i am healthy, i have a home to call my own, i am a student, i have the awareness that the universe is all too grand for me to comprehend and that my small perspective on life is so limited, even if i presume the most open mind, but i am so willing to learn, to change, to love, to make decisions and to take action. i have clean underwear to wear everyday and access to really anything i could need.

i am me. just as i am in this very moment. i like who i am. i love where i've been and i'm excited for where im going, confident that the Lord will use me and bless me wherever that ends up being or wtith whomever or pursuing whatever.