finished...now it all begins....

"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever...this is the day the Lord has Made; I will rejoice and be glad"

These are the words, the ideas, the state of being I am left with as I finish up my last final exam, experience my last time sitting as a student in a classroom at Point Loma, turn in my very last major literature analysis...

I'm all smiles. The day is bright, my life is light, I'm blessed beyond belief and I find myself in the most delicate, nourishing soil as I embark on new journeys...

Here's to the end of a season, an amazing four years of growth, laughter, memories, tears, and to the beginning of everything new and bright and big and beautiful...

language

language is never a permanent fixture; therefore we do not have access to these 'universal truths' that keep getting mentioned and discussed because language is all we have to understand truth and meaning, yet ours is so completely limited with respect to god... we can't even fathom the true existence and magnanimity of god or how he relates to us because we are limited even in the way in which we fathom!

prayer

o thou, you are the perfection of love, harmony, and beauty, the lord of heaven and earth and all that exists in between and far beyond,

open my heart, soften my eyes, and quiet all my stirrings, that i may hear your voice, which constantly comes from within.

aum. amen.

a treatise of sorts

the discourses of philosophy, love, spirituality and existence seem to constantly overlap one another; a magical and mystical dance of sorts that captures our human attention and draws us in, begging us to question the meaning of life, the means to the end, the rhyme and reason to our relationship to the divine.

i'm reveling in the cooling mist that has drifted effortlessly down upon every delicate part of the earth this morning, relieving me from the intense heat of the past few days. i've watched the light from the new day surreptitiously find its way into my bedroom window, annointing every object and space with a soft, hopeful, and cheery glow. i've spent time in this silence, doing my morning meditation and prayer, gaining energy and a peaceful demeanor towards the day...and now i'm beginning to piece together a sampling of beautiful thoughts and ideas from the reading i've become so immersed in lately. like the small spark you experience when you rush too quickly across a carpeted surface, i've caught a glimpse of the larger picture that all these pieces, all these colors, are working towards completing...

a novel i just finished, Steppenwolf, Herman Hesse discusses man's desire for finding communion with the divine, for escaping the duality of one's self and one's despairing emotions to find true happiness, to exist in all the fullness and richness that being alive can offer. again and again i'm reminded of what John records of Christ's teaching in the New Testament- "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds" (12.24). Essentially he suggests that we as humans must always first die to ourselves in order that we can live the full life intended for us by our Creator God. The miniscule exposure i've had to different yoga practices and teachings emphasizes the same message; each of us is responsible for all the rest, every individual soul is essentially a part of the larger communion of souls, therefore we must take on the responsibility of loving others before ourselves. Deep within us IS the kingdom of God, in the stillness that is so often muddied by our material lives we have an unlimited state of existence and bliss. there has to be some degree of separation from ourselves and our physical needs, worries, attachments, in order to increase our capacity to experience god, to experience joy and weightlessness...
another author, Milan Kundera, writes The Unbearable Lightness of Being describing our tendency to make our lives incredibly heavy, burdened by emotions, questions, fears. he writes a beautiful romance that underscores this notion of living in the moment, not taking everything with such gravity but letting life unfold around us and participating fully in it and ascribing meaning and depth to life, but not being limited by our mortality. like Nietzsche would argue in nihilism: there may be no eternal return or cycle of living. all of our experiences occur only briefly, and only once, therefore we MUST make the most of every moment and live fully alive. god's spirit is in us and he has blessed us with the ability and the opportunity to enjoy a beautiful, rich, blissful existence with him, if we would only let go of ourselves and our egos and take part in the glorious story that we're already swept up in...

senior reflections: culminations of college, culture, and curiosity

the shock of huge literary theory anthologies crashing onto the floor during an intertesting but somewhat repetetive lecture; the ovewhelming mixture of nauseaufrom yet another assigned research paper coupled with the exuberating joy in knowing it will be my last; walking down the middle of 'caf-lane' and, with a pause, approaching the crowd of students busting outside of the commons area, reveling in the very unique, very isolated, and very creative ecosystem we inhabit; noticing that my nails have been chewed down to the skin, that my refrigerator has been mostly empty and that my car has become more of an armoir for my miscellaneous belongings;

i realize in all of these things that there's four weeks left of this spring semester, the final thrust of hard work, creativity, and making things stretch towards the achievement of that celebrated college diploma. there's a little less than thirty days until all final grades must be submitted, all bags have to be packed, all loose ends somehow tied up or jumbled into some different shape than they are now(or so i'm told that's what is expected)

have i tasted everything i could have tasted here? have i been the responsible student and leader that i aspired to be when i first arrived? have i invested in healthy, strong relationships with mentors, friends, and family to help prepare me for this transition out of my simple college life and into the bigger, even more glorious and open real-world? have i spent enough time in silence and solitude praying for wisdom, praising god for the ways he has shaped and taught me in this place? have i said thank you enough to the people who have given themselves, their time, their finances, their love to me?? have i save up enough quarters to at least get through a month's worth of laundry after i graduate!!?? will i miss writing literary analyses and discussing the importance of the narrative in the grander scheme of things??

i've experienced an increasing abundance of reflections over the last month or so as my mind and heart is preparing to leave this place, to finish this chapter, this paragraph even, and begin another portion of my story. i guess this not really beginning a new portion as much as continuing the complex narrative that has been in progress for the last twenty two year, the last two thousand years, the last billion years that we have all existed here and been seeking after the same thing...growing in our capacity as humans to know god and to love him and one another. i'm simply another character of an already beautifully constructed story that has been and will continue to move and change and grow...

here's to what could be the most intense four weeks of my life as a college student, here's to pereseverance, discipline, making good decisions, laughter, joy, unlimited gratitude, qualitye time with friends and many many cups of steaming hot earl grey tea :)

hunting for fallen fruit...

yesterday marked the zenith of the season for the most overlooked, undervalued, and delicious treasures of san diego: the loquat fruit...for those of you still unbenounced to know what delicacy i am speaking of, the loquat fruit originates from China and resembles a mix of apricot, pear, and apple.

interspersed throughout san diego county are hundreds of loquat trees, most on public property, of which the majority go unnoticed, uncared for, and definitely not harvested. therefore there exist a select few committed to taking advantage of the good local fruits of the earth...

loquat hunting is now in full bloom. not only is it the sweet and tart, succulent flavors that each vibrant orange fruit contains in its soft, spring juices that entice us but the hunt itself draws us in. loquat trees are so often camoflauged in people's front yards or public parks and neigborhoods by other trees, they lay heavy with fruit, beckoning to the eager seeker to come and partake of all the 'secret' treasures. much time has been dedicated into creating an intricately detailed map of some of the best, most voluptuous and sweet trees. this information of course cannot be revealed to the public for the sake of maintaining the harvest's longevity...

we want to ensure that our love for this delicious fruit does not entitle us to selfish behavior however; loquat hunting requires respect and care towards trees and their branches, towards the planting and growth of new loquat saplings, a regard for only taking as much as one truly needs to satiate the loquat cravings...as for now, sunday morning has brought an incredible harvest. its time to make jam and to share the beauty of this local treasure with loved ones..


onwards and upwards in the peak of spring time!

silence: an appetizer for the upcoming feast

after a dizzying two weekend of gypsy concerts, night-time motorcycle rides, a trip up the coast to Los Angeles, beautiful, breezy afternoons in the perfect san diego neighborhoods, and days spent in the presence of so many great, brilliant, delicate and beautiful souls, i'm chewing on a lot of mental and spiritual fodder.
brett dennen sings songs of celebrating being alive, of facing the big issues in life with suited with love and compassion, of living each day as it were your last...leonard cohen sings of love, lust, and god's will, the deep cravings of humanity...Christ taught his disciples that those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, who strive to be peacemakers and to show mercy, those will be blessed and will inherit the earth...sadghuru, the founder and guru of Isha Yoga, inspires people to accept responsibility for one another, to embrace the people of the world with love, to enable oneself to be limitless by simply cultivating a willing spirit to change, to increase human consciousness...

i've been digging these past few days, in my own introspection and in scripture...i'm forced to find silence in the stillness of infinite motion, much like the sleep of a spinning top (thanks to thomas hardy for creating such perfect imagery). there's constantly a whirlwind of movement and change, both surrounding me and deep, deep within me; yet along my journey so far i've been blessed to discover and to have learned a few beautiful ways to focus all that energy, all that motion and to find a solitude unlike any other i've ever before witnessed or experienced.

isha is becoming more to me than a faraway idea, a distant community, a new and very different form of yoga... the noise of life and existence has been extremely loud lately, caught up in the very zenith of growth and change, sprouting seeds of faith, love, song, projects, friendships, well-being... the discipline of doing isha yoga has brought me so much peace and tranquility, physically of course, but emotionally and spiritually my practice ensures that i have the time and space to sit and absorb, indulge, and become absolved in silence with my maker...

'the lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the lord, it is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. let him sit in silence for the lord has laid it on him. let him bury his face in the dust, there may yet be hope' -lamentations 3:25

so many of my days, my minutes, my moments of being alive and aware, have been spent steeped in prayer...before meals, before challenges, during worship, during gatherings of friends and families, in the midst of adventure and bliss, in the very darkest corners of sorrow and despair, in praise for things received or lessons learned and in the brightest of rejoice...it is what keeps me grounded, overflowing with his spirit, aware not only of myself but more of Him...

i'm expecting a great feast this weekend...but i'm equally expecting a lot of silence in respect and of maundy thursday, passover, good friday...i'm expecting a blinding array of celebration and worship as the sun rises again over this cold earth, the warmth of the Son lighting up the sky and the spirits in you and i...