ash blue dragonflies and days spent in the river...

drifting in cool refreshing water, diverged in some sacred place between arizona and colorado, watching the dragonflies rest their wings upon my sandy toes, feeling the glare of Sun's gold reflection splashing heat and radiance against my sweat-stained skin, the wind rustling among the reeds that longingly hang beside the shoreline... floating downstream among swirling green rapids, the air, hot and dry as my skin could bear, a flawless blue sky for my gaze to lose itself in...

cleansing is so necessary. reading and resting and eating fruits and vegetables and going to bed when its dark and rising when its light, listening to the animals, heeding the rhythms of the earth. recalibration is so necessary. the desert is astonishing. ambrosial. delightful. vibrant. sacred. silent and not so silent. paradisaical. engrossing. alluring.

as evening approaches and the heat finally recedes as the shadows grow on the trees, the moonless night sky begins her dazzling pageant of shooting stars, glimmering dusts and roaming satellites. darkness falls and i find myself lying beneath the vast dome of limitless sky, universe, life...wondering

how big is it? how many other places just like earth are there if there are trillions of stars and planets and suns and galaxies just like ours? how vast and unfathomable is god if in fact there are more stars in the universe than grains of sand on earth? have you ever examined the insurmountable quantity of individual grains of sand after only lightly pressing your skin against it??

i laid there on the desert floor feeling the warm energy of the rocks and dirt pushing against me, gazing out into this infinity of light and darkness, of god and mystery and wonder, my mind losing its ability to focus on one idea or thought or emotion and i tried to sift through endless questions of meaning, of truth, of love, of trust, of the unmistakable evidence in this overwhelmingly magnificent earth of our intimate relationship with the creator.

big questions like what if there's more than one way to know god, to follow him, to love him and to experience his fullness. silly questions like how long will it take for us to be able to explore those farthest outcroppings and bring back samples of space dust for all to see and taste? all of these questions are pushing me deeper and deeper into my love for god, further and further into my own, unique faith in god. i am constantly amazed and speechless that god has created this vastly beautiful universe in all its grandeur and majesty, and he created the materials and energy that organize themselves as delicately as dragonfly wings, as a human mind, and other delicate and complex things...

for some reason that moment, that hour spent dazed beneath such an immense sky, was so significant for me. the thought that came about again and again, just as constant and reocurring as the swirling eddy's of the river, was,

"i want to be known...i want the god of the all this immeasurable existence to know me..."and i know this is how it is, but there are small, sacred moments when all of existence and the unlimited possibilities of it unleashes its weight right in the very middle point of my soul. so i let the warm tears slide silently down my cheek as i enjoy and experience these emotions and explore them all the more...